Summer beach detectorists actually just checking out chicks.

In the peak of the summer months metal detectorists flock to the coast for a spot of beach detecting with many doing so simply to cash in from jewelry and money lost by people enjoying themselves in the sun, others because their favorite cultivated farm fields are currently in crop and out of bounds until after the harvest. But according to a woman from Newquay in Cornwall,  a network of beach detectorists are using the hobby merely as a disguise to gaze upon sparsely dressed women at seaside resorts throughout the country.

We sent Paul Mccoil to speak with female Cornish surfer Sandy Cox to get the scoop on the matter.

PM:Sandy, do you believe metal detectorists are genuinely searching for lost coins and jewelry or just using the hobby as a means to spy on women freely?

SC:Obviously some of them are bound to be in it for the money, but all too often I’ve seen suspicious looking characters with metal detectors at popular surfing destinations all over the world skulking around with a peculiar and insincere look about them. We have one in my area who’s always lurking around at Great western beach and he has been spotted glaring at women on several occasions. In one incident I was the victim, he called me over and asked me to take a look in his finds pouch, when I looked inside i was confronted with  a strange looking object which vaguely resembled a small shriveled up human penis, it was at that moment i realized he had made a hole in his finds pouch and was exposing his genitals to me. I reported him to the police and he was arrested at the scene and was served a caution for indecent exposure, but he was back at it within 6 months and I just decided to start surfing at other beaches.

We now go over to the accused, well known beach detectorist and resident of Crackington Haven, 59 year old Wayne King.

“Do these stupid bimbo’s think I’d waste my time down here digging up ring pulls, tin foil and a couple of quid all day ? Get serious buddy, the real treasure down the beaches is all the hot totty on display. They come out in droves in the summer and there isn’t many activities where i can walk up and down the beach wearing sunglasses without arousing suspicion of  being a perv or a pedo these days, but Metal detecting is a great way of concealing my true intentions. Below I have compiled a sure shot list with 8 tips to help other beach detectorists maximize their chances of hitting the jackpot.

  1. Always carry gold rings, all women go weak at the knees upon the site of gold jewelry, particularly examples with diamonds in.
  2. If a broad asks if you’ve found anything, slip the ring onto her finger, ask if she’ll marry you, and then laugh, gets em every time.
  3. Your walk is everything, keep your center of gravity low,flick out you hips at the end of each swing, don’t be afraid to show off your thrust.
  4. Always wear headphones, it’s not essential for beach detecting but if an ugly chick tries to communicate you can pretend to not hear them.
  5. Always leave holes unfilled and hover around them, should a damsel in distress happen to take a tumble, you can be the first on the scene to help them back to their feet.
  6. If you have the physique, detect shirtless and show off those abs.
  7. Always wear mirrored shades and I can’t stress this enough. Should some feminist type be out for a swim, she will be the first to accuse you of undressing her with your eyes.
  8. Always keep a bottle of sun cream handy and offer to apply it on lounging sun bathers and don’t be afraid to go straight for the breasts.

According to almost every governing body within the hobby, proper detectorists search in the countryside and we urge the public to call 991 immediately should they see any suspicious looking characters carrying a metal detector on a beach.

 

 

 

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the daily detectorist

The Daily Detectorist unearthing metal detecting stories from around the globe . (we also feature satire comedy and not all of which is fully factional )

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