It has been announced by the British museum that further budget cuts are to be introduced to the Portable antiquities scheme for 2016, and as a result Flo’s are to be replaced by state of the art drones at metal detecting rallies.
In the wake of previous devastation to the PAS funding, yet more depredation has been planned by the BM who have announced plans to make dozens of “on the go FLO’s” redundant in a move which would see Drones replace them at all metal detecting rallies and club digs in the UK. Furthermore the British museum spoke of its plans to make it mandatory for all metal detecting clubs and public rallies to have one of their Drones in attendance to police events with failure to do so resulting in prosecution and termination of NCMD membership. We Sent DD’S resident Scotsman Paul McCoil to take a statement from Paul Berford at his underground lair beneath the British museum.
‘Not only is it more cost effective to use Drones (considering their lifetime maintenance expenses are dwarfed by a flo’s Monthly pay cheque), they can simply perform a wider range of tasks. For starters: a FLO is usually stationary at the recording desk all day , when really they should be out there looking over the shoulders of these dishonest, thieving, conniving vultures witnessing what undeclared treasures they are stashing in shoes, hidden finds pouch compartments and up their arses. With eye in the sky drone technology I can keep a closer check on detectorists and see what ill-doings are being committed at these so-called organized events which I believe to be nothing more then mass daylight robbery. As for the recording process itself, we are going to be asking detectorists to jump up and down and wave their hands frantically to indicate they want to record a find, and I will proceed to manoeuvre the Drone over to the finder’s position where they must hold the desired find upto the camera situated at the bottom of the device, and it will take a photograph, record GPS location , drop down a set of digital scales and then automatically upload all the correct info directly to the PAS database. Furthermore items constituting as treasure must be attached to a secure harness found on the drone, and the said item will be navigated by myself back the British Museum to await assessment and valuation.’
Whilst the farmers union and British land owners committee fully support the idea which could also solve the age old problem of incompetent hole filling , many detectorists and clubs oppose the idea saying drones hovering around events would be a massive invasion of privacy and another example of complete lack of faith in detectorists, according to well known detectorist Doug .R. Landup who was as usual in a positively belligerent mood.
‘Sure, I’ll let that muppet Berford fly my important treasure finds across the British countryside back to London on a remote control drone, and let me tell you something, if the BM want to keep an eye on me at a rally I’ll be sure to flop out the one eyed snake and see if the experts can pin an i.d on that. What is going to happen when someone finds a hoard, send a full size helicopter?, this really hasn’t been thought through and I’ll be damned if I’m going to comply.
at this point Doug stormed out of the interview muttering something about going to Joan allen’s to purchase a newly stocked full size tree canopy hat and some night vision goggles.
The DD does not support the use of drones as it cannot substitute the intimate human touch of a FLO at a rally, and we also believe Paul Berford will blame lost drones on the weather, intercept them and steal treasure finds to further his vast personal collection which is buried in vaults beneath the British museum.